‘I would never cheat on my husband/wife.’ This is one classic line we all use but often after a few years we start talking to our friends, sharing our secrets with them. And if that friend is of opposite sex you might be in an emotional affair.
What is an emotional affair?
An emotion affair is something above friendship. You see your friend as your life support and want to share your thinking, dreams and aspirations with a friend over your partner. You can easily have an emotional affair if your matrimonial life is not perfectly well. In fact an emotional affair is not gender sensitive. It is about connecting with another person than your partner.
Is an emotional affair dangerous?
An emotional affair is as dangerous as a physical one. The implications are in fact worse because mentally you are cheating all the time. An emotional affairdoesn’t involve sex but it is similar to an extra-marital affair. Here are a few warning signs you must not ignore:
Guilty: Do you feel guilt after talking to your friend? Do you delete call records or chats with a particular friend? Or share intimate, deep thoughts with a friend over your spouse? Well, chances are you are involved in an emotional affair.
Vulnerable: This happens when you share too much information (maybe pictures too) with someone and feel scared of being exposed.
Threatens your marriage: Does your emotional involvement make you think more about your friend than your spouse? Do you feel your friendship threatens your marriage, then it is surely a deeper emotional meaning than just friendship.
Dishonesty: Lying to your partner about whom you were talking to. Acting as if a particular person (your emotional buddy) does not exist. Do you change your friend’s name to change his gender? Suddenly official meetings and calls rise, you are online for longer periods, and are scared when your spouse uses your phone.
How to break away from your emotional affair
Admitting it to your self is half the battle won. Admit that this level of intimacy and connection with a person (except your spouse) is inappropriate. Your married life can be threatened because of this urge to depend on your friend.
Understand what made you take this steps: Think about the reasons you became close to someone other than your spouse. Was it the lack of time, lack of excitement in your marriage or his ignorance that made you seek company. Some main reasons we found were:
Inability to take criticism is often a common reason. Do you think every time your husband/wife speaks to you its nagging? If your partner loves to nag, you might become uninterested in sharing your life with them.
In some cases harming by the spouse be it by verbal abuse, constant put-downs, cruel behaviour is the reason for looking for emotional attachment.
Now that you know the reasons work and solidify that weak area in your marriage. If abuse is a problem address it.
End that affair: Ending an emotional affair is more difficult than a physical one. Take a clean break and tell your affair partner that you see no hope and future in your friendship and want to spend time with your hubby.
Accept that this is not going to be easy task. But stay strong on your decision no matter how much need you feel to talk to him ‘just’ once.
Wrecking your marriage for an emotional relationship is not something you will be happy about. Imagine how would you react if your spouse shared every news with someone other than you?
