Being a single parent in India can be a daunting and difficult task. Single parenthood can be a tightrope walk. It can be challenging and exhausting at the same time. Creating a good work-life balance is the key, one example is Sushmita Sen who adopted two daughters and enjoys mommy hood to the hilt.
Here are a few ways of making single parenting fun and liberating:
Creating a balanced schedule: Sticking to your schedule leaves little room for error. You may not have to choose between your work and your child. Create clear boundary conditions. It is important that you are assertive in sticking to these boundaries more often than not. When you are clear about your boundaries and timings, you can communicate and, most often, get what works best for you and your child.
Ask for help and support: Family, friends, childcare centers are all part of the support systems. You are being tough on yourself in case you are trying to do it all alone. Gather family support to take care of your child, especially when you are away. Shalu, a single parent (mother to a 1 year old son) shifted base while changing jobs and moved to live with her parents for an extended support system. She says it was the best decision that she took; for 6 yrs later, her son is happy, grounded, and emotionally stable and understands that his family is complete with mom, nana, nani and mamu.
Fear about a life long support system: Single parents at times may fear, what if something happened to them, what will become of their child? Veena Sharma was also one such mother, a parent to two daughters aged 6 and 10 years, she took care of her health obsessively but even that did not ease her worries for her daughters. She then decided to do something about it. She stopped being over protective of her children and as she says “I made sure they developed a healthy bond with other family members and friends.” She now knows that her daughters have people around them, who love them and hence her anxieties have almost disappeared.
Banish the guilt: Always be appreciative of what you have achieved for your child and remember, you are doing the best you can. Your situation may not be like others and there is nothing wrong with that. Rejoice on how far you’ve come; that you are doing just fine and acknowledge that it’s phenomenal.
Manage Expectations at Work and Home: There is no use putting strong boundaries around your office time, and then taking work home with you. If there’s too much work to be done, then you might need to restructure. Balance is about knowing what is going to work best for you. You need to focus on your child in your home time and if you are not focused perhaps it may be better to be at work instead.
Holidays and Downtime: Try to wear a work-hat when at work, a home-hat for home and a holiday-hat for holidays. Sounds simple, right? Respect and appreciate each of these spaces consciously and notice the difference.Alone time with oneself: If you have weekends without the children around and you think you’ll miss them, plan an activity for yourself. It can be something right from a coffee with a friend to may be catching up on a movie, going to the gym or just simply having a long relaxing bath. Take this time to rejuvenate your thoughts and mood.
(By Nitin Pandey who owns parentune.com, with a vision to empower parents to do more for their child, to improve the quality of development for the child)
